


Connections

by captnstevie (captainriza)



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Kerberos Mission, Love Letters, M/M, Make of it what you will, Post-Kerberos Mission, this doesn't have to be shippy... but it definitely can be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 12:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15796254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainriza/pseuds/captnstevie
Summary: "You’ll never read this, but I don't want you to. I can tell you in person, and then we can explore the universe together."A letter from Keith never reaches Shiro, but Keith learns something anyways. (Post-Kerberos, Keith writes a letter to Shiro - a dedication to who he is as a person, and everything Keith can be).





	Connections

**Author's Note:**

> Each divider represents time passing. Keith wrote this letter over the span of a year, from beginning to end.

 

 

_~~I don’t know how to~~ _

_~~i just wish that~~ _

_~~i miss you~~ _

 

Shiro, 

     I don’t hate you. I’m so used to anger and pain, and it’d be so easy to hate you, but I just can’t. 

     I know why you wanted to go. I think we feel the same pull towards the heavens. It’s like a sound with a frequency for only us. I want to jump off the edge of the earth, into the deep blue, and wrap my hands around the stars and pull them to my chest. Just once. And maybe then the way my heart tugs at my stomach every time I look up at the sky would stop. 

     God, that sounds so stupid.  

     If you could hear me, you’d tell me not to berate myself. You’d tell me that you understand, and then you’d point out the Delta Orion among all the other tiny specks of light, orbiting earth slowly but surely, turning the corner into the beyond, and tell me that every astronaut living on that space station is looking for something to complete themselves too. Just like _you_ , Shiro. I’ve seen the way you look up at the stars, the way you plant your feet in the dust, square your shoulders. and let out a soft sigh, like something tangible holds us to this planet and all you’ve ever wanted to do is cut the cord.  

     That sense of an invisible connection, the pull towards something bigger, was your drive. It made you reach for the unknown with an intensity i’ve never seen before. I always felt like a pretender next to you, because i couldn’t fathom how you could hold something that strong inside of you without going insane. Now I know it’s not possible - you just buried it somewhere deep and unseen. The way you dealt with the impossible was to turn your eyes into mirrors of the universe, and when you did… I never told you that I could just drown in the way you yearned for more, an unconcealed longing that you wore so effortlessly. 

     You didn’t hide who you are. You used it as a weapon to get what you wanted. I didn’t even know that was possible. You’ve taught me the world, Shiro, just by being extraordinary. 

     (It’s so _simple_. I know, deep down, that you’re not dead. I’m can’t be imagining it. If I can still feel the connection, you can too. And you’re out there, somewhere). 

     I know you remember - the day before you left, we took a ride out past the sand dunes. The dust flew up behind us in clouds of thick amber as you pushed the limits, like you always do, your laugh echoing like a heartbeat against my chest. “You can do better than that”, you said, and I could hear the real challenge in your voice - _be better_. I gritted my teeth and sped after you, but, god, Shiro. Just like every time we tried to escape from the real world, going fast enough that the world blurred behind us, you didn’t let me win. I tried to take a lesson out of that day, something to remember you by, but you had already said everything. 

     You never lied to me. You would cheat - I remember how shocked I was when you moved my chess pieces in your favor when my back was turned, then laughed yourself silly- but you never lied.

     I don’t think it ever crossed your mind. To lie. 

 

_Shiro, you told me once that the people who love you want what’s best for you. And then you hesitated_.

 

 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:

 

 

     My deepest nightmare is that I dreamt you. It’s easy to believe when I watch Adam  trying to pretend everything’s exactly the same. But I see his tired eyes and the way he just can’t bring himself to smile anymore ( ~~do you remember his smile? the one that could light you up in an instant?)~~. I wonder if he knows that they’re lying about you. Is it worth it? To believe them? Would it all be better? 

     I haven't tried to talk to him. ~~I don’t think I can~~

      ~~you’re so honest and I wish i could be too but somehow lying feels more like honoring your memory (which is bullshit if they were honoring you they wouldn’t lie and blame you and i hate them shiro I really do) ~~but h~~ ow fucking pathetic is that? I can’t even tell you ~~through a fucking letter that I-~~~~

      ~~god, i remember how you looked at him.~~

     I’m still working it out. What I wish I knew. Maybe part of me hates myself for telling you to go. When Adam told you not to go, I knew he was right. If you had listened ~~maybe if I had said something~~ you wouldn’t be thousands of miles away, ~~dead. **Lost**.~~ Gone. Now, I tell myself that if he had made you stay, something would have broken in you. ~~Is it possible to long for something for so long that it just destroys you?~~  

 

 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

 

 

     I punched Iverson. You’d disapprove, but I don’t regret it. He told me to show some respect. I told him to go fuck himself, and then he said

_“ Shiro    would     be     disappointed     with     how     you're    turning    out. “_

     I don’t think that’s true. I think if you were there, you would have told me that I shouldn’t waste the chances I’ve been given to start over, and to treat my superiors with respect, but you’d have to hide your smile. I can picture it. I almost looked over my shoulder when they dragged me off of him, waiting for your admonishment, your saving grace for someone who doesn’t deserve it, but you weren’t there. 

     Maybe I do regret it. I think I did it to get you back. How fucking stupid is that? There’s nothing I can do to get you back. Not while I’m stuck here. 

     I don’t know why I’m writing this. Just so you know, they took your bike. So I took it back.

     “Show some respect”. Respect my ass.

     I know you. You’ll be coming back for it eventually. 

 

 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ

 

  

     Last night, I started a fire underneath the pale moon, and sat silently as my records went up in flames. The fire burned so bright, Shiro, and I watched as the smoke tried to touch the sky. I felt my soul go with it, up, up, up. In the end, I almost burnt this letter, but there’s one more thing I need to tell you. 

     I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m leaving. It feels like betraying you, but everything left is just so empty. I thought I stayed because the tests and the classes and the bullshit were the quickest route to get to the stars, but it was you who kept me there. Iverson’s greatest fears are realized - I am just the foster kid that doesn’t deserve the shots I was given, but I don’t care about that anymore. Someone else can have them. I’ll make my own way.

     There’s been something calling me for months now. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s just a path to get to you. But I know that if I don’t follow it, I’ll never forgive myself. 

     You’ll never read this, but I never want you to. I can tell you in person, and then we can explore the universe together. Shiro, you used to tell me that destiny was a path between the trees, where each branch leads to a new opportunity that you can seize for yourself or choose to ignore. You thought life was a series of choices, that it was enough to trust in fate and yourself to make a happy ending. You’re wrong - it’s not fate or destiny or choice. It’s us. It’s you. I love you. 

    It’s time to find you. 

  

\- Keith 

**Author's Note:**

> this is Keith's dedication to Shiro, but it's also mine. I love him so much, guys. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
